This just in: There is joy on earth. It’s on us to spread it around, and this time of year that means gifts. Sometimes it gets hard to figure out what goodies Old Saint Fatty should include in his sack of shit. So whether you’re seeking presents to start relationships or end them, we have suggestions.
ANTHRO TOYS
If you want to see what it feels like to jam your dick into a shark, doing it with the “smooth, elegantly curved fins and detailed lips” of The Anthro Shark sounds a hell of a lot better than calling yourself a fish fucker. Bad Dragon makes toys for people who’d like to make love to animals without facing bestiality charges. Do you lust after gentle creatures of the forest? Try Alice the Bunny or Snowball the Deer. Looking for a more rugged experience? Rowan the Draft Horse or Duke’s Butt are bound to please. Natascha the Anthro Husky looks tight and ready, and Mary the Anthro Mare could prove to be a lifesaver (Merry Christmas, Mr. Hands, wherever you are).
www.Bad-Dragon.com/products
THE EVOLVER
Certain people are complex and nearly impossible to shop for. Say there’s someone on your list that insists on small-batch, local, seasonal, cruelty-free, organic, artisanal shit; and say that same person also longs to cram a gun into human orifices. Bang! The Evolver hits the bull’s-eye. Kill ’em with five inches of made-to-order cock-gun (color-customized barrel and grip, natch). www.HolePunchToys.com
