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April 2023

Laura Desirée
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Featured Article

The Fucking Lengths We Go To

Ever crossed state lines or hopped continents just to score a piece of ass? You’re not alone. Join us for riveting tales of triumph and disgrace from horny wanderers.

It’s no secret that men will go to the ends of the Earth, and probably beyond, for a shot at some tail. Kentucky, Russia, Mars, it matters not. Even if the odds are stacked against them, these beasts are relentless. They’ve been known to quit their jobs, hock valuable property and even sell their kidneys on the black market, if necessary, to afford gas and airfare in pursuit of a lay. Don’t laugh, ladies. Women are also known to be thirsty travelers. Show us a single female with an internet connection, and we’ll show you a lusty lady looking for love in all the wrong places. 

The age of social media and the birth of dating apps have only increased the spread of this compulsion. Now, all bets are off. People everywhere are digitally hooking up with prospective matches, which is sending a significant number of these horny hounds across the globe looking for love. What could go wrong? Well, as it happens, a whole lot. 

“I spent basically the last of my money on a bus ticket from Louisville to Nashville to see this girl I met at a concert down there one summer,” recalls Jason. “It was probably stupid to go without calling first, but I wanted it to be a surprise to tell her that I hadn’t stopped thinking about her since we met that night.” 

Unfortunately, Jason was the one who got surprised. Unbeknownst to him, the girl had moved on and moved another guy in. And while she seemed somewhat pleased to see Jason again, her new beau was none too happy about his presence on their front porch. “He was screaming, ‘Who the fuck is this guy?’ He threatened to kill me if I didn’t leave, it got really aggressive,” Jason recalls. “I had no money and no place to go.” The girl, feeling bad for the inconvenience and the death threats, drove Jason back to the bus station and even loaned him some money to get back home. “I went there for nothing,” he laments. 

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