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Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
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February 2023

Kiara Cole
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Like Body, Like Cock
Featured Article

Like Body, Like Cock

Want to keep your unit in working order as you amble on into your golden years? Put down the chips and pick up the exercise equipment!

We’re always hearing about how we need exercise, that we’re supposed to ditch the booze and cigarettes, avoid any bathroom where they might be snorting cocaine off the toilet seat and try to live right, goddamnit, or else. Or else what? Well, we don’t have a medical degree, per se—although we do pride ourselves as amateur gynecologists—but they say abusing the body through the overconsumption of crap cuisine and intoxicating substances can bring about a wealth of health conditions, some fatal or even worse. (Yes, there are many things more feared than death.)

“So what?” you might ask, between mouthfuls of potato chips and soda. “Life is short anyway; why not enjoy it while it lasts?” And perhaps there’s something to be said for that carpe pizza philosophy. However, if nothing else, consider this: Eating like a ravenous raccoon infested with a stomach parasite, aside from arguably contributing to the nation’s 40% obesity rate, almost assures that you’ll spend the last years of your pathetic life with no desire or ability to have sex. 

No sir, flab doesn’t fuck. Don’t believe us? Just ask the experts.

“Obesity and inactivity are both related to sexual dysfunction,” Dr. Karyn Eilber, urologist and associate professor of urology and obstetrics & gynecology at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com.

Listen, we’re not here to judge. There’s plenty to be said for the intoxicating joy of knocking a couple back and pinning the legs of a beautiful woman behind her ears for a hearty pound session. Hell, it could be argued that without some debauchery over the years, we never would have come this far. But now that we’re here, we’d like to keep the forward momentum going as long as humanly possible before being carted off to the Great Poon Palace in the Sky. And it looks like adding a fitness routine may just help further that goal. 

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