A guide to maintaining intimacy in a long-distance relationship.
Whether you’ve been in different cities from the start, or your partner has recently relocated for work, school or family, being away from the person you love (and lust over) can add a lot of challenges to a relationship. Sure, we have the technology to stay connected. But it can take more than good WiFi to sustain intimacy and excitement—especially if regular visits aren’t an option. So how can you make your long distance relationship feel both secure and sexy?
The first step is to set expectations. Do you like to text all day, or do you prefer to only check in when you can give your partner your full attention? Are you in wildly different time zones, where one of you is waking up as the other is going to bed? Can you let your partner off the hook about “timely” responses? Is a regular call or date time better than spontaneity, or do you need surprises to keep things fun? Thinking about expectations goes along with thinking about needs. A lot of folks struggle with spontaneous desire—that idea that says, Well, our nightly call is about to happen, so I will automatically put myself into sexy mode. Most of us need some kind of anticipation, so if that’s true for you, be explicit about it: let your partner know what helps get you in the mood from afar, whether that’s flirty texts throughout the day, or just some dedicated time to transition from, “Hey, how was your week?” to “Let’s take off our pants.”
Zoom and FaceTime are great for mutual masturbation, stripteases or even role play—but it’s also understandable to experience some screen-time burnout, especially if you are still working from home.