December 2019

Featuring Scarlett Sage

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April Foolishness

IT’S THAT SPECIAL TIME OF YEAR AGAIN, THE ONE DAY WE AGREE IT’S SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO PRANK THE HELL OUT OF FRIENDS, FAMILY AND MORTAL ENEMIES. MAYBE YOU’LL PAPER YOUR PAL’S WALLS WITH ’70S PORNO OR COVER EVERY SQUARE INCH OF HER FLOOR WITH PLASTIC CUPS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH…WELL, WE’LL LEAVE THAT UP TO YOUR IMAGINATION. GO AHEAD. HAVE FUN! MAKE YOUR VICTIM MISERABLE SOLELY FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT. ENJOY APRIL FOOLS’ DAY!

THE BEST GAGS MONEY CAN BUY FOR (PRACTICALLY) NO MONEY   

“WHOSE PANTIES ARE THESE?”

This one is simple and fun if you like the idea of making your special someone lose her mind. All you’re going to need is a pair of panties, the kind she would never wear. Make it extra fun by getting a size that’s astronomically different from hers, and then leave them bunched up somewhere in the house where she’ll find them— maybe under the bedcovers or hanging over the towel rack.

Once she discovers the panties, odds are, you’re going to hear about it. Just make sure you have evidence that shows you bought them so there’s no doubt about your unwavering devotion. You still might end up sleeping alone, but at least you can say you got her. 

MOUSE LOUSE

This works best in an office, but it’s also good for a roommate who’s on the computer a lot. All you need to do is set up your victim’s computer with a wireless mouse. Then use it. Nothing is more infuriating than trying to get your work done with a mouse that doesn’t want to cooperate. You don’t want to overdo this prank. Maybe jerk the cursor around a bit or slowly ease it over to open up their iTunes, or YouPorn, just to keep them on their toes. If you’re careful, you could pull this off indefinitely. 

“TALK DIRTY TO ME”

If you have a friend who never answers his phone and then never returns voicemails, this one’s for you. Another fairly easy setup. All you need to do is create a simple flier in Word. Post a pic of a sexy babe who looks like she’s enjoying herself and title it “Ultimate Fake Orgasm Challenge” or “2016 Talk Nasty Contest.” Then invite contestants to call your friend’s number, leave their best entry and to please enter as often as they like. Winners will be judged on April 7th or whatever, and the best wins $500. Now that you have your flier, post it where you think it’ll have the best payoff— bar bathrooms, the mall, prison…   

CLASSIC WRAP

Plastic wrap costs about $1 a roll and has endless uses on April Fools’ Day. From wrapping the toilet bowl to ensure piss-splashing hilarity to plastering a layer at face level across a doorway to the somewhat more expensive and time-consuming full-car plastic wrap, there’s really no wrong way to use it.

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